Chapter 5:

Disentangle what from who

Don’t get defensive.

What is the meaning of the message?

We can be triggered by who is giving us the feedback.

What we think about the giver: Are they credible? Do we trust them? Did they deliver our feedback with good judgment and skill?

Sometimes one considers how qualified or informed the giver is- how, when, where?

We trust people we have a positive relationship with, or those for whom we’ve worked a long time with. We view their feedback as credible.

How we feel treated by the giver: Do we feel accepted? Appreciated? Like our autonomy is respected?

Relationship triggers create switchtrack conversations, where we have two topics on the table and talk past each other.

Spot the two topics and give each its own track.

Surprise players in the feedback game:

Strangers

People we find difficult

People we find difficult see us at our worst and may be especially well placed to be honest mirrors about areas where we have the most room to grow.

Listen for relationship issues lurking beneath coaching.