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Chapter 2:

Separate Appreciation,
Coaching, and Evaluation-

Sometimes we feel: grateful, eager, energized by feedback, other times we react: hurt, defensive, resentful.

Conference

There are three kinds of feedback:

Appreciation- it motivates one when someone notices or cares about the hard work that one puts in. It must be specific and come in the form that a receiver values and hears clearly.


Coaching- this helps one to learn, grow, change. It can be prompted by emotion or the need to improve one’s knowledge or skills in order to build capability.


Evaluation- these align expectations, clarify consequences and inform decision making.

Map

WE NEED ALL THREE:

“We need evaluation to know where we stand, to set expectations, to feel reassured or secure. We need coaching to accelerate learning, to focus our time and energy where it really matters, and to keep our relationships healthy and functioning. And we need appreciation if all the sweat and tears we put into our jobs and our relationships are going to feel worthwhile”.


Always remember that evaluation is the loudest and can drown out the other two. Be thoughtful about what you’re being offered, and get aligned.


WHAT HELPS?

  • Get aligned: know the purpose and discuss it.

  • Is the primary goal coaching, evaluation, or appreciation?

  • Do I want to improve, to assess, or to say thanks and be supportive?

“We can’t focus on how to improve until we know where we stand” p44

“Understanding whether we are getting appreciation, coaching, or evaluation is a first step. But even when our purposes are all lined up, feedback can be hard to understand, and is all too easily dismissed.”

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